schedule

thought it would be good to talk about the schedule of my future rounds of chemotherapy, as I'll still be surprised if I will be doing anything at all on the "on" weeks.

each cycle is three weeks...

week 1 - four days "on", three "down" days

week 2 - labs Monday, getting better all the time

week 3 - labs Monday, it's gonna be alright, alright, alright

the prediction is that each round will be identical but hit me harder, and that I'll end up at not quite as good a place at the end of the cycle. also, it's said that they don't take a chance on more than six rounds, due to the strain on the heart. (and the hearts of the Prayeramedics)

there is a scan after every two rounds, to check on "responsiveness".

I'll comment on that prediction after the schedule.

Tuesday, November 9 - round 1, week 1

Monday, November 15 - week 2

Monday, November 22 - week 3

Monday, November 29 - round 2, week 1

Monday, December 6 - week 2

Monday, December 13 - week 3

notes:

a wonderful and generous friend of lisa's has known for a long time how lisa has always wanted to see Manhattan again, having worked there for awhile, and amazingly gave a good amount of money towards such a trip. we are planning it for December 13 - 17, and are very very touched at the opportunity. it certainly could not have happened otherwise. December 18th I'm planning to be at an Acoustic ReJuveniles gig.

now, one thing, maybe two, can change the scheduling of rounds. if the white blood cell count isn't high enough at the end of a round, they may wait a week to begin the next treatments.

the maybe is the holidays. the office is closed December 24 and 31.

waiting any week throws all the dates off after.

Monday, December 20 - round 3, week 1 (Christmas week)

Monday, December 27 - week 2 (New Year's week)

Monday, January 3 - week 3 (Runaway Express at SwallowHill January 7)

Monday, January 10 - round 4, week 1

Monday, January 17 - week 2 (ReJuveniles at the Little Bear January 22)

Monday, January 24 - week 3

Monday, January 31 - round 5, week 1

Monday, February 7 - week 2 (Dakota Blonde Valentine's Day show, SwallowHill February 12)

Monday, February 14 - week 3 (Valentine's day observed)

Monday, February 21 - round 6, week 1

Monday, February 28 - week 2

Monday, March 7 - week 3

Saturday, May 7 - June 5 - Stephen Sondheim's Follies, The Kennedy Center, Washington, D.C.;

I have seen this play twice; once in LA in a small theatre with all all Asian cast, and once on Broadway where great money was saved staging this musical about a theatre to be torn down in a totally bare theatre. This promises to be at least a partial attempt to recapture the scale of the original production, huge in 1971, with a big orchestra and Bernadette Peters playing Sally.

it's my schedule. and I want to see it.

if the tumors are responding to the treatment...it's working, we keep doing it. if the tumors are not responding, my understanding is we look for other chemo to throw at them.

the slalom run I'm skiing is between the poles of the effects of the cure, and the poles of the effects of the disease. so far only the former has had impact.

I'm a little unclear about the conditions under which chemo might be stopped short of the six rounds. I don't think they're good.

if the six rounds are partially, or totally, effective, after them a far less difficult and far less powerful maintenance chemo is prescribed, and careful watch kept.

comment on the prediction :

on my birthday, janice gave me a rock she had saved for years for its beauty, on which she had someone inscribed what is on a rock that sits on Stephen Sondheim's desk:

NOTHING IS WRITTEN IN STONE

chemo schedule - very very important. but...none of us knows. some complication in cure or disease...conceivably some impossible unforeseen updraft in health...and everything changes.

the four days "on" in week 1...I've played gigs feeling worse. but the pic line in the left arm and the bag with the pumps...hard to see me even holding an instrument those days. the three "down" days after...not impossible, I guess, but I do kinda wonder what could be quite that important...

and if they skip Christmas week for whatever reason, the January 22 and February 12 gigs will fall on the first of those down days. unless...they...skip...another week too....

I'm a flake.

I used to try not to be. I doubt the attempt was noticeable.

now I'm just a flake.

final comment on prediction, from someone who, I believe, took the last word on this away from Sondheim:

I suggested a name for a band I was in, Upsidasium!, from a storyline about a mineral that falls up. I said it began my interest, in R and B music:

Rocky and Bullwinkle

but today's story concerns an expedition to a remote island whose wealth and prosperity is directly traced to a bird who sits on the island's highest peak, the Oogle bird. ("oogle! oogle!) once a year, the Oogle bird lays an egg, inside which is a piece of paper with a prescient and financially savvy prediction.

unfortunately, the Oogle bird passes, and Bullwinkle is kidnapped and brought to the island to replace him. his only assignment: to lay one egg a year.

well, he has 364 pampered days ahead of him, I guess. but our hero, Rocket J. Squirrel sets out to recapture his lost friend, and books passage on the boat of Capt. Peter "Wrongway" Peachfuzz.

as advertised, the Captain cannot make a correct statement or decision.

somehow, though, they reach the island and take Bullwinkle back. but the natives are left despondent, with no Oogle bird or replacement. what to do?

the last scenes show Capt. Peter "Wrongway" Peachfuzz happily ensconced at the peak of the island's highest mountain.

"nothing but sunshine today, boys!" he says.

"get your umbrella, Mac," says the native. "it's going to rain cats and dogs."

I have this thing about suggestions.

various degrees of relativism aside, I consider "apples are red." a statement of fact. to question it is to examine perception and reality in ways that will not help me pick good ones at the grocery store.

"everything is meaningless", "God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life", and "Red sox rule!" fall into the category, to me, of suggestions.

not the "Hints by Heloise" kind of suggestions..."did you know that that old 8CD set of Boxcar Willie's entire recorded oevre can make a lovely set of coasters? or, next time you're skeet shooting..."

suggestions as in suggestibility, words that can have a pull on your way of thinking.

as such, I embrace them or not depending on whether or not I will appreciate, enjoy, like, the pull they have on my way of thinking.

"nothing good in this world comes without a price"...let's go out together and look at the sunset sometime, bro

"doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is called insanity"... jeez, guess I'll stop practicing guitar right away

"you get what you pay for"...way too optimistic for me. I've paid money from time to time and not gotten a thing.

what the guy means to say is, "you don't get any amount of quality you don't pay a commensurate amount of money for. " him, we take to the sunset, too.

suggestions - we hang onto the ones we like, and ditch the rest, not based of the tone of the words or the presenting them as truth, but on whether or not they feel good.

predictions are suggestions. ones we know are wrong ( "cats and dogs, Mac") are more valuable than ones we think may be right.

"you'll feel better each day of weeks two and three"...well, I'll see that I do!

"you'll feel worse each successive round of chemo"...hope you don't mind having to prove that to me

"I expect the chemo to have some effect on the tumors! why else would we do it?"...then, I shall expect it, too!

"median life expectancy: 11.6 months from diagnosis"...I'm sorry, I just cannot accept that.

no, I'm not