not exactly shutout ball

but not so far from it.

final score in the P.C. bowl...palliative chemo...Scott 6 1/4, chemo 3/4.

a banner day for the Rockies, anytime.

in the four day infusions, day three and a couple of days after were the worst. in the five day cycle, it was day four or so and a day after dosing stopped.

this time I didn't notice much through day 4 at all. didn't feel that off. nausea, fatigue, hair loss was mentioned...

day 6 and 7 this time, and yesterday day-after-dosing-ends, I was being forced to let in some droopy eyed tiredness...though it seemed I could close my eyes entirely and still talk for half an hour. stayed pretty linear, too.

the thing about sick is, it's halfway between consciousness and unconsciousness. so, sleep is uncomfortable, but waking equally fidgety.

this was a problem until the late 1940's, and the invention of television.

post millennially, the "busy box" that fills the gap between sleep and being up is the computer. its interactivity is most often minimized in that role, however...

but even editing, I had to accede and put myself down for a nap when my eyes drooped...or let company know that it really isn't them, that they belong in a fully waking cycle but that I was having a dozy one, and needed to go lay down for a bit.

especially since sleep hasn't changed much at night...I just let myself do it. when hungry, eat; when tired sleep.

as with most real time fact finding missions, my study results are muddied. was the chemo

the sleepiness? was it the decadron hills and peaks, the steroid? how is the amiodorone affecting it all?

last night came an unintended experiment that may hold an answer or two.

Faithful Followers of the Blog...I can see in 15 years, "easy as following a blog" being a new permutation of an old simile...will predict what happens here next...yes, the dreaded Inset Topic.

I am fascinated with Regis.

not my medical pillbox, of which Brian got the joke immediately when I named it Regis. a little more fascination with that last night would have served me well.

but, actually, Regis Philbin.

and not from when he was on WOR TV when I was growing up in New York. he seemed the oiliest of media sycophants then, along with , say, Army Archerd and Joe Franklin.

to me, they were part of what gave social a bad name.

al of that changed when catherine, a true love of mine and quite a bit younger than me, got me into watching "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" while it was first airing, then later on with dinner. if a show is on every night at 6pm, I may well end up watching it a lot.

I've always had the love-hate relationship with social. I was undersocialized as a child, having no really attractive role models for it and also having headspace that usually interested me much more than grade school conversation. but there were profoundly upsetting times associated with my not knowing the rules of playground and prom etiquette...lot of loneliness, lot of picking on, lot of tears.

all of the 18 seconds I saw Regis with Kathie Lee, he was putting cucumbers on his eyes for beauty and oiling up the latest media darling. ptui.

but no such folks on "Millionaire". and Regis held all power from his seat. what kind of despot would he be?

surprisingly, to me, focused on his normal contestant in their 15 minutes of fame. on their side...but nobody's pushover. ready to get testy. ready to play his celebrity card.

last night he encouraged a person not to use a lifeline, but to go straight for the answer their gut told them.

it was a siiiiiiiiiiiimple question.

but the guy got it soooooooooo wrong.

Regis raised his voice just a little and said, I don't know why I get involved with these people!!

it rang true...in a cover your ass kind of way.

if the contestant has been dating the same girl five years, he'll ask her...so is he ever going to pop the question?

a little drop of brusque cuts through a lot of grease for me. but he does it...and no one holds it against him! can life really work like that? times when I swallowed stuff, would I have been better liked had I shown a flash of real?

he really wants each one to win. and he'll actually tiptoe over the line, to help them! if you understand Regisspeak, that is.

so I watch the show, mildly interested by the questions, the thought that goes into what makes a good question, sometimes wondering if i have the answer right. more interested in the emotions of the contestant. but fascinated with how Regis is doing, how to read him. whether there is any tape holding down a corner of social that I could pick at, and try to learn how to express myself more in a social context that would work for "them" and for me.

last night, that passion kind of clouded my linearity, and I took the wrong set of pills from Regis Pillbin. the evening set in the afternoon.

I have some twice a days, one (chemo) once at the beginning of the day, one (Dilaudid) every six hours or so. one with mealtimes. etc. etc. etc.

instead of heart medicine at 8am and 8pm, I got it at 8am and 2pm. none in the evening.

I did get the Dilaudid every six hours. I don't want to mess with that stuff.

but I was watching my pulse rate and oxygen saturation. 02 was still sky high...97/98...but pulse rate was like 88 to 92 through the night. and, I would wake up and have to wait before I could get back to sleep.

so...I guess I'm thinking, the Amiodorone is doing the job of keeping the heart in it's low seventies rate wise. and the drowsy seems to me chemo linked. that's my story, until other evidence surfaces.

it's hard being a one person scientific study, as there really isn't a CONTROL group!

oh, don't worry. irrelevancies are still part of the mission of this blog. Honey West...Anne Francis in that and Forbidden Planet. Forbidden Planet alone could be the study of an entire blog entry!

just not this one...