new model

talked to the techs and the nurse at the treatment today.

they say two weeks (as opposed to the five weeks I was told) is not too soon to be getting the sore throat.

they said over time it would become quite painful.

the nurse said they would be watching my weight. patients who lose weight during the treatments take longer to recover, they said.

when I start losing weight, the way they deal with it is by installing a feeding tube in the stomach. it's a day procedure she said, not mollifying my fear and revulsion at all.

she said that even though nothing tastes good, you have to think of the food like medicine and try to get it down anyway.

I thought I was starting to lose a little taste...guess it's nothing like it's going to be. three berry shakes still really taste good to me...and I'm going to give it hell before I go through that day procedure. if I have to eat two, maybe even three shakes a day...I'll just man up.

in the coming month, you'll get to see Scott Bennett without any taste. see if you notice.

she wrote two prescriptions...one for a temporary pain relief and one that is stronger, and is good just before bed to insure sleep.

I tried to sing a little in the car...the best you can say is that it was hit or miss. and I am hearing that won't get better during the radiation.

so I'm sending the alert out about the summer. once again, I do not know what I will be able to do, how much, when. I think the most likely stuff I will be able to continue is antares work, tracking sessions for me and others, then probably rehearsals, then gigs that don't involve much vocal work.

if exhaustion is a side effect, even when one can still eat and sleep, any interference with those won't be good energy wise. and healing, as to a person my bandmates have told me, is job 1.

it's not some new cancer threat. nothing permanent.

and can I really be surprised when a health undertaking is harder than first described? before all this started, I assumed anything I did would be harder to recover from than any doctor said.

wasn't ready for this, though.

I always considered the most poorly named deity in Greek mythology as Uranus, especially when mispronounced.

but today, my vote would have to go to Sisyphus.

he made the same mistake as Lucifer, daring to consider himself equal to the ruler of the heavens.

for punishment, Zeus condemned Sisyphus to roll a huge boulder to the top of a steep hill, only to watch it roll back down again where Sisyphus would have to begin returning it to the top of the hill. thoughout eternity.

of course, back then, no one was trying to run Pro Tools on Windows, so this was the most frustrating punishment they could invent.

and I feel that, being in a position to know to some degree what that feels like, however tricky and avaricious he was...ain't nothin' sissy about that man.