I made up a joke

what's the difference between a doctor's predictions and a weatherman's predictions?

well, meteorology is a science.

it's been ten days, gentle reader, since my last entry detailing the changing and adding to of the predictions of radiation's effects on me over the weeks.

since then, I don't perceive any of the effects to have gotten any worse.

Dr. Davis yesterday predicted that I would "eke out" the radiation without having to resort to having a feeding tube. kind of a change from last week.

I'd be frustrated if I weren't so damn relieved.

I mean...what if the radiation dose and location had been chosen so that, in a day, I can kind of recover and maintain, instead of getting hellishly worse over weeks' time?

do I even dare say that?

Jim Jones called me a few days ago, and again yesterday...Vickie wrote me an email yesterday. they hadn't heard from me, and noticed it had been awhile since I had blogged, and they are saints about wanting to give me space to heal (as they are in all things) but were understandably concerned.

for a change, the explanation is...I've been doing a low level imitation of Scott Bennett these days. three doubles this week, two singles.

now, my voice is like your arm when you pull a muscle. this movement is ok. this one not so bad. this other one...forget it! you're just not picking up that glass of water today.

but with the indulgence of all, and occasional cartage help, I'm picking and grinning in a somewhat familiar fashion.

but, gee, what if things get worse, and what if you get tired, and what if your voice completely disappears and and and

what if it doesn't? is that something I can even think about without bringing on the jinx?

today is treatment 18 of 30 rad treatments. (awesome!) three and a half weeks...about the time to start watching for fatigue.

woke up after five hours sleep, eyes wide open. writing here in the morning. hmmmm.

happy July Fools' day to all, and time for a good nap this afternoon.

Stewart Greisman, my secret ace in the hole in all things medical and stalwart musical compadre, said that throughout medical school they told him, 90% of the people you treat will get well, despite your treatment.

he said, why do you think they call it practice?

call me naive, but I am going to pretend that their practice differs from my practice. if it doesn't, I'm going to start reading up on my Mary Baker Eddy.

(reminiscent of Tom Lehrer's observation that someone who supported our government in the 1960's often felt like a Christian Scientist with appendicitis. Tom is the author of three of the five most intelligent things I've ever heard said)

the beauty and curse of these days is that they come and go. I can't remember a prettier summer. I've had to "get through" some things while enjoying them that in other days I could just have enjoyed. though my capacity to taste is in a small way dimininshed, I am aware that I need to eat all I can of everything I love most to eat.

the scare last week was scary. but today I may well be forgiven if I start to look to the end of radiation (still 20 days away...but only 12 treatments after today)

and at the end of radiation...the prayer that it worked. the possibility of recurrence of the tumor.

I'm so not even ready to deal with that right now. maybe today will be fine after all, thank you very much.