heal, heal rock and roll

I got no good news at the radiation doctor's yesterday.

but I got a good prediction.

I'm not supposed to put any stock in predictions anymore. but...maybe I want to.

Dr. Davis said, usually, if a patient is going to be experiencing the extreme side effects, they are experiencing them now.

he said, the good thing about this program is that we are only aiming at one side of the neck. it is usually the ones who need both sides irradiated that feel the worst abut it.

(you know, technically, those are not predictions...)

he said, I predict that things will get a little worse over these next two weeks, but not out of bounds.

what a relief it would be if that were true! it would kind of feel like the things all the nurse techs are telling me won't so much happen...like yesterday is some sort of apex of the sine wave of poopiness, and the distance back to health could be less than the distance so far.

not like, I've made it!, but, like, I've made it. I'm not sayin'...I'm just sayin'...

21 sessions out of thirty down. two, five, and two to go. thirteen days, with four off.

then I stop measuring things by getting through, or getting by, and have to adopt the standard of all the way back to normal.

I'm fascinated, as some of you know too well, with Brian Wilson of The Beach Boys. he seems to me like Icarus, who flew too close to the sun of musical brilliance, and when he found his support wings melting, crashed back to earth never to be the same again.

in the 80's he fell under the care of a classic betrayer-protector, Dr. Eugene Landy. Landy saved Brian's life...and had a fifty phone call a day hold on him. when Brian's solo album got made, Landy was credited as co author on the songs.

when Landy found Brian Wilson, Brian had been in bed for a year and a half (love not having an alarm) and weighed 350 pounds. Landy controlled Brian's access to food and any sort of rewards, and put him on a strict diet and exercise regimen. in a year or so, Brian was 185 pounds...and recording...but no happier and no more mentally healed.

there was a nearby hill that Brian would walk up and down, eventually coming closer to jogging.

after a prolonged period of repeatedly climbing it, the two nicknamed it Mt. Wilson.

to be on the top of Mt. Wilson, and finally ready to start the hike back down.......