life sentence

got the results of the first scan in the Yondelis study back today, when I went in for chemo.

a seemingly unprecipitated outbreak of good news.

Dr. Elias, who I have speculated to have some asian in his heritage, is typically inscrutable. but today I couldn't help but feel he was rather pleased with himself, and his baby, the study drug.

now, he hasn't looked at the scans on his computer, so comparison isn't completely apples to apples. but going by what he does see, and what he called a well done radiology report, one of the tumors in my shoulder may have grown a little.

the rest, he said, shrank a little. maybe half a centimeter.

I had seen in an online report that the threshold for a cancer being "stabilized" is considered 25% growth. if it grows by 25% or less, it is considered "stable".

kind of different from, say, a business.

I asked Dr. Elias very specifically what the criterion is in his study. he said 20%.

so...my tumors could grow 20% every six weeks, the amount of time between scans, and still be considered stable.

yow.

but, as Joey says in Friends, it's a moo point. like the opinion of a cow. it just doesn't matter.

today, as of this scan, we are talking shrinkage.

am I even entitled to use the word............healing?

odds and probabilities...predictions...point to another spring. another summer. another fall. a 60th birthday. another Christmas.

lisa wept. I was shaky.

our last good news was getting into this study. but for a good status report from a doctor's office visit...I have to go back some years. both of us experienced how tightly we have been braced, for how long.

and some relief of that.

last October, I feel like I got a death sentence. 11.4 months from now, October 7, 2011, the median dictates I'll be gone.

today I feel like I got a life sentence. as in, however it happens, it ain't gonna happen that way.

and what I had better plan on for October 7, 2011 is one mighty celebratory party.

I still don't believe in predictions. but one would be a fool to totally ignore indications.

we're having steak tonight, to celebrate! we still know nothing...

except that we know this drug worked against what I have this time.

not, well, it didn't do much, but after awhile it might. not, we need to look for treatment plan Z-flat.

no. it worked.

we can't rule out that it may stop working, the cancer adapt, my body not be able to take it, blah blah.

but

we

can

rule

out

that

it

doesn't

work.

huge.

of course, what that means is that this space will probably be able to be used for a number of further Spiderman reports. there's a downside to everything, as received knowledge has it.

but I'm going to have to get my shit together, and live.

Happy New Year, all!

and...good praying. nice work. thanks.