Wednesday, August 17, 2011

more the blog osphere

than the blog o' fears today.

I have had something like six days of relief and comfort.

yowsuh.

a few days ago, the idea began to circulate about whether I might be able to maintain this level of comfort at home.

it blindsided me, and then everyone else in turn. can we really let in the possibility of increased living, be flexible enough to gear up for the good?
I, and then everyone, was not sure.
but little by little, it has become the plan of choice. the balance of medications current is close enough to helping everything be comfortable that I don't think, today, any major tweaking still needs to be done. and I sure trust the home support system to get me meds on time more than anyone here...four or five staff, one patient at 708.

I'm scheduled to go home by ambulance at 1pm today.
I've always, when I've heard ambulances scream by, thought "ambivalence"...a screaming ambivalence pulsing down the street. "I don't know! I don't know! I can't say!"
more so now after two (non-siren) rides in them.
it was like when I'd take a bus from Golden all the way up Colfax, stopping at every stop, transferring at Broadway to get to Cinderella City and Gordon Close's Melody Music. the only place in town with mona-steel 20 gauge G strings, which alone enabled my double string bends on acoustic guitar. three, four hour undertaking, stultifying.
when ambulances transport patients on a non-emergency basis, they go all the way down the longest avenue, stopping at every light. I'm ambivalent. sigh.

be home at 2. home care people visit and set stuff up, 2:30.


so I have to say again...it's a big change. certain to take something out of me.

don't come unannounced. I love you. please. I'm not looking to fill boring useless hours. sleep does that just fine. I don't want to say no, and I love company. a little at a time. please make arrangements...I know you know with what love I ask this. "even me?" please don't. I am glad for a little time now, and want it to be as good as long as it can be.

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