breathing easier

that was a phone call with Dr. Nemechek that could hardly have gone better...

except for a slight admonition not to send him books in email, which is what my letter of questions was.

I explained that Jeanette had told me to do it, as she could not make an appointment or promise he'd call. he said, she probably just doesn't want to make a promise that can't be kept.

it was thirteen days since I got those questions.

and they would have been a lot lighter thirteen days had I answers.

Andy says the growth is 2.1mm. maybe a thumbnail size.

he says the risk is greater to the voice box than the last surgery....the growth is closer to it. but he said, it's not an undue risk, or he wouldn't go in. he said he doesn't feel the danger is finding growth in the voice box...just the hazard of operating close to it.

it felt a little more like the warning label on a Prozac prescription.

(which by the way should read, don't take this)

he said it was away from the SCM and the 11th accessory nerve. but he said a half a dozen times, don't worry if we have to take those, it's really no big deal.

fine. can we take yours, then?

I think he'd have to find stuff to have to take them. and if he found stuff...I wouldn't want him to do anything else.

most important...I was arguing for an MRI done close to surgery time. that seemed to shed the light on the bad boys in the room. I saw his nurse, Jane, yesterday, and she promised she would pass that on...today when I called she said he told her they were going to be using ultrasound during the operation, which would show the same stuff.

so I was relieved...but when I talked to him, he said, it would be nice to compare apples to apples, not worry about technical differences.

I have an MRI scheduled for 6am tomorrow.

and I'm glad to do it. all I can say, though, is, don't get any big ideas about rehearsals at that hour in future.

My sense is that he expects there is one thing and one thing only to take out.

he said, if there's nine things growing in there, then you and I will be doing it together.

meaning...all bets are off, time to really rethink. and, though nothing's impossible, he's not really expecting it.

I'm one of those people who tend to defy expectation.

but...as far as using intuition and suspicion to chip away at the unknowable...I feel a lot lighter today after that call.

I said, well, Andy, it's been two weeks since we last spoke.

he said, isn't that weird?

sigh.

it reminds me of the first month I was playing with Runaway Express in the Sands casino in Atlantic City, backing up John McEuen.

John and I were walking to the elevator, and I said, John, it seems like the only reason you've had to talk to me for awhile is to yell at me for something.

he said, well, then, I guess my ex wife was right about me.

I was watching The Grateful Dead at Red Rocks in 1976...day 2 of three days of seeing them...and the guy in front of me didn't have a seat, was a threat to everyone around, and was kind of superceding the performance.

at one point I looked, and he was drinking my water.

hey, I said. that's my water.

yeah, I know, he said. I was sharing.

Dr. Nemechek said, isn't that weird?

sometimes people have a way of letting you know, the conversation is going no further. I tend to respond by not responding further.

it's easier, like today, when the mood is one of relief.